As a marriage counselor in Raleigh, NC, I help both couples and single people feel more connected, safe, and loved.

Many people spend years in relationships or marriages feeling unseen and disconnected. Sexuality and closeness often play a significant role in how connected, safe, and important we feel.

I work with many individuals who are dissatisfied with themselves and their marriages. Most of them feel they are not enough because they believe they should be more passionate towards their partners. They want to enjoy honeymoon-style passionate sex with their spouses and have unadulterated pleasure in their sex lives.

Pleasure and Sex-Related Issues in Marriage

Marriage counseling Raleigh NC can help dismantle the myths around sex life and passion in long-term relationships and marriages. At the beginning of a relationship, you might feel like the honeymoon stage will last forever. However, we grow and develop, both as individuals and as couples.

Our responsibilities multiply as we transition through various life stages. Our family grows, and our job situation changes, so the stresses of daily life can lead to our sex life changing as well. And this is very natural.

In addition, different people interpret closeness and passion differently. Many individuals associate closeness with physical contact and intercourse. However, this is not the case because other factors contribute to passion too.

Unfortunately, in our culture, passion becomes so sexualized that there is a demand for orgasms. So, for many individuals, closeness is focused on genitals and sex. But there are many other ways to enjoy each other and feel the pleasure that have nothing to do with this type of physical intercourse.

Learning that intimacy in your marriage has a lot to do with touch, closeness, and knowing yourself can help you experience pleasure in your marriage and feel deeply connected.

Because to feel pleasure, we first need to get to know ourselves and our partners.

I frequently ask my clients whether they know what gives them pleasure or what brings their partner pleasure.

As we deconstruct and process the intimacy issues, we examine what it even means for them to have passionate sex.

A lot of people find that they just want to feel "normal." Our culture teaches us that we have to have passionate sex. As a result, many individuals believe that if they lack passion in terms of intercourse and orgasm-focused pleasure, something is wrong with them or their relationships.

For other people, intimacy is about feeling connected. Others reach for sex and intimacy because they don't want to feel alone. Or they simply want to satisfy their lover by providing orgasm since that is what they are supposed to do. They feel like they are doing their job because they feel so insecure.

So, a lot of times, sex issues go a lot deeper than just sex.

The Pleasure Menu for Your Marriage

 I ask my clients who are struggling with sex issues to do an exercise and create a pleasure menu.

This exercise is based on an analogy with the food we like to eat. Not everyone likes the same type of food. While you may be crazy about Italian, your partner may prefer Chinese instead. And we don't normally blame one another for liking a different cuisine.

So, my clients do this exercise by creating their pleasure menu or a list of things they prefer in sex and intimacy.

 The list doesn't even have to be sex or body-related; it is simply about things that bring you pleasure. This exercise aims to help you learn about yourself, rebuild your relationship with yourself, and learn about what you need.

Then you can share that with your partner and learn about each other's wants, needs, and desires.

It usually takes a few marriage counseling sessions to do this exercise. You are encouraged to take some time on your own, think about what you want and need, and create your pleasure menus before you come back together and share what's on your menus.

Summary

Marriage counseling Raleigh NC helps couples feel closer and understand each other better. Exercises such as "the pleasure menu" can help you learn how to reach out to one another, accept the other person, and feel genuinely connected.

I hope this was helpful. If you have any questions or would like to schedule an appointment in my virtual office, do not hesitate to book your free 15 min phone consultation online by clicking here