Maybe We are Just Too Different to Make the Relationship Work?

Sometimes, during my marriage counseling sessions, I hear partners start wondering whether they are too incompatible or too different to be together and make each other happy.

The first thing I cover in marriage counseling Raleigh NC is that differences between partners are natural.

Of course you and your partner are different. You are not clones of each other. You grew up in different families and different backgrounds, probably with different values.

For example, many couples, like my husband and me, grew up in different cultures, so it is expected that they have different opinions, beliefs, and different perspectives on things.

Hence, it is not realistic to expect that you see eye to eye on everything. However, it depends on whether you have different opinions about everyday stuff like household chores and responsibilities or on whether to have children or not if these differences will be significant enough to think that your relationship may not work out.

I often say to couples at the beginning of couples therapy in Wake Forest that if these differences don’t involve some foundational values, people can work on them.

However, you need to know how to connect with your partner in a way that brings him closer to you instead of pushing him further away.

Marriage retreat in NC can be a great chance to focus on yourself and each other, learn how to reconnect with your partner, and embrace your differences as opportunities for growth.

Couples retreats can help you restore your relationship while having a unique romantic getaway without your daily life routine.

Marriage counseling intensives are intended for couples who feel that traditional weekly counseling sessions don’t help them reconnect and want to try something more intense.

It Is Okay Not to Know Where You Are in Your Relationship

Many times, emotions and relationships are a little bit messy and confusing, so it is alright to allow yourself not to be crystal clear all the time where you are in the relationship.

The relationship is a continuum of things; it is a process that constantly changes, so you’re not going always to know if a particular situation, argument, or fight is sure evidence of whether you should stay in the relationship or leave.

Marriage counseling can help you learn to allow yourself to be okay with not being crystal clear about things that are going around.

I also believe that a lot of times there is a more significant reason why we end up in relationships and marriages we do, whether it is to be in that marriage, learn something, grow and move on to something else or it is to help you get attuned to the side of yourself that was not active before.

Partners in relationships balance out what each other lacks, so your differences may help you get in touch with unknown parts of yourself, learn, improve yourself, and grow.

For example, if your partner is a very grounded and calm person, while you are much more emotional and dramatic, you may have happened to be married to each other because you need to learn how to relax and calm down. But, at the same time, your partner may benefit from your energy.

Conflicts Can Help Us Grow

Conflicts and difficult situations are always there to help us grow and change. Couples therapy in Wake Forest can be a safe place to learn to shift your mindset and start viewing conflicts as learning opportunities.

Summary

As a couples counselor, it often happens that partners in therapy start wondering whether they are too incompatible or too different to be together and make it work.

Opening up about your differences to a trained couples counselor can bring you a step closer to a happy relationship. Couples counseling can help you learn that conflicts aren’t necessarily destructive. Difficult situations help us improve, connect on a deeper level, and grow both individually and as a couple.

If you have any questions or would like to schedule your free 15 min phone consultation in my Wake Forest or virtual office, you can do so here by clicking here https://www.irinabaechlecounselingllc.com/book-a-consult