How to Find the Right Therapist when Recovering from Infidelity

For most people, discovering that their spouse has been cheating on them comes as a crushing knowledge. It is tough to accept that the unthinkable happened and that someone so close turned their back to you.

For most couples, infidelity is one of those marriage challenges that go beyond their ability to manage them constructively. Infidelity usually severely strains the relationship and leaves the people feeling devastated, lonely, and confused, often leading to the breakup of the relationship. However, when the two people decide that their relationship is worth saving, they usually reach out for marital counseling. Marriage counseling may be the safest place to work through the experience of infidelity in marriage.

Many couples come for Wake Forest couples counseling to address the challenges that the aftermath of infidelity arises. The most important thing is to find a therapist who specializes in couples therapy when recovering from infidelity.

Find a Therapist Who Specializes in Couples Therapy

Although it may be challenging sometimes not to be biased, a good couples therapist is always on the side of the marriage instead of taking one spouse's side.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method Couples Therapy are considered top-notch empirically validated interventions for couples intensive counseling in crisis.

The Gottman Method Couples Therapy

According to Dr. John Gottman, all of life is an opportunity to experience something new, integrate that into our lives, and create something different in our existence. As painful as it is, infidelity in marriage can be a starting point for some of the most critical changes in individuals' lives.

Dr. Gottman developed the first personalized couples intensives based on his extensive relationship research that showed that couples counseling is more effective when it is done intensively. Couples intensive format works for couples recovering from infidelity, helping reach a resolution more quickly and learn skill sets to help sustain a connection for a more extended period.

Through four decades of relationship studies, Dr. John Gottman has reformed the approach to relationships and marriage. At the Gottman Institute, he developed a therapy approach that successfully upkeeps the troubled relationships and helps the happy ones become more successful.

According to Dr. Gottman, every interaction is an emotional bid. An emotional bid is everything you say or do to create, keep, and re-establish connection with your partner.  Bids signal that you are looking for attention and affirmation.

The goals of the Gottman Method include increasing closeness among partners and addressing conflicts effectively. The Gottman Method consists of the seven concepts of healthy relationships that should help you build a conscious relationship. These components of healthy relationships are known as The Sound Relationship House Theory, and they involve:

·       Love maps

·       Fondness and admiration

·       Turning toward each other

·       A positive perspective

·       Conflict management

·       Making life dreams come true

·       Creating shared meaning

·       Trust

·       Commitment

The Gottman Method therapists are equipped to provide support to couples recovering from infidelity.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples or EFT couples therapy is a structured, short-term approach to couples counseling that focuses on negative communication patterns and attachment.  Dr. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg developed EFT in the 1980s, on the grounds of 50-year long research.

The effectiveness of Emotionally Focused Therapy has been empirically proven: 90 percent of couples undertaking Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy show significant improvements, while 70-75 percent of couples move from distress.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy has been proven helpful in improving distressed relationships and helping partners deal with fear, anger, and loss of trust in their relationships after infidelity.

In EFT couples therapy, the therapist helps you explore patterns in the relationship and plan strategies to develop trust and create a more secure bond between you and your partner.

During EFT couples therapy sessions, you will be able to address your needs, wishes, and worries. EFT can help you manage the aftermath of an affair by helping you learn to show empathy and experience each other's feelings, strengthening the attachment bond between you and your partner.

Also, EFT couples therapy may help you learn how to be more vulnerable in your relationship. Despite the common belief, opening up to your partner and relying on them to meet your emotional needs is not necessarily bad. Attachment research teaches us that we are hard-wired for connection – we need an emotional connection with other people to survive and succeed.

Couples counseling may help you actively listen and validate each other's feelings, even if you disagree or feel upset. Once you start building this kind of connection with your partner, your relationship may start getting back on track.

Summary

Overcoming infidelity is likely one of the biggest challenges your relationship will face. Marriage counseling may be a safe place to bring up this subject, understand the reasons for infidelity and work on recovering your relationship.

I hope this information helps you find the right therapist when recovering from infidelity. I will be delighted to hear your thoughts and answer your questions, so don't hesitate to give me a call at (703)347 3200 and schedule an appointment online or in my Wake Forest office here.