Can I Save My Marriage?

It’s finally cooling off in Wake Forest, NC and it smells and feels beautiful outside. I absolutely adore this time of the year. I can leave a window open in my Wake Forest counseling office and enjoy a fresh crisp breeze.

This week I wanted to talk about how to save our marriage. We enter relationships to satisfy our needs. However, in a long-term relationship, we often realize that our partner is not our first impression of him or her. Many of my clients in Wake Forest counseling say that as they got to know their partner closer, they realized that he or she was not capable of satisfying their needs. This revelation often opens the door to disappointment, dissatisfaction, and unhappiness in the marriage.

The Pursuit of Happiness in Marriage

Some couples in Wake Forest counseling say that they have forgotten the beginnings of their relationship amid the walls of everyday routine. You and your partner may have difficulty to recall all those moments when you shared the same path and expectations from the future. While trying so hard to reach happiness in marriage, you feel that you somehow have lost each other.

But remember, the relationships change over time. People change. What was defining your happiness in the past might feel outdated today. You may find yourself chasing an old idea of marriage happiness but finding no satisfaction.

Commitment Issues

Many people struggle with commitment issues that are often mistaken for a loss of interest and love in a relationship. You or your partner may have commitment issues caused by painful earlier experiences, unrealistic expectations, or for some other reason.

Here are a few tips on what you can do when your marriage is in trouble.

Seek Help

One advice I always give to my clients who inquire about Wake Forest couples counseling is to seek help early instead of waiting for problems to pile up in the relationship. Most couples wait around eight years before they show up in a marriage counselor's office, which only allows for contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness to become rooted in the marriage.

Sometimes, issues come up in the early stages of the relationship. And what do you do? Sweep them under the carpet, believing that you can handle it?

We expect our romantic relationships to self-maintain, not realizing that relationships require a lot of effort, energy, and dedication, like everything worth having. So, when the issues arise, please don't ignore them. Get to marriage counseling.

Couples counseling in Raleigh, NC, can be a safe place to understand your challenges, focus on each other, and explore your options when your marriage is in trouble. Relationship crisis doesn't have to be the end of your marriage.

Don't Try to Avoid Conflicts

Wake Forest marriage counseling can help you learn how to have meaningful, open communication with your partner.  Honesty and vulnerability can help you feel emotionally connected with your spouse.

Of course, you can't have honest communication with your partner without slipping into a conflict from time to time. However, don't try to avoid conflicts. We all tend to think that conflicts are wrong and that we should avoid them at all costs. But conflicts are not necessarily bad. Arguments and discussions can help you understand each other's perspective, by boosting awareness of the differences and similarities between your attitudes, beliefs, expectations, thoughts, and feelings. Also, conflicts can help you understand each other's needs and expectations and learn how to fulfill them.

If you learn how to have these honest conversions with your partner regularly, you will both start feeling heard, seen, and supported. Couples counseling in Wake Forest allows you to work through your conflicts and dig deep into your thoughts and emotions.

How do you continue in the aftermath of the conflict? Do you withdraw? Continue with offenses? Ignore each other? Or you try to reach mutual understanding and forgiveness? The behavior patterns in the aftermath of conflict can tell you a lot about your relationship quality. Marriage counseling can help you understand these patterns, learn healthy communication strategies, and discover other tools to overcome relationship anxiety.

Make a Plan of Your Marriage Recovery

Marriage counseling in Raleigh, NC, can be an excellent environment to discuss what you can do as a couple to make things work between the two of you again. Make a strategy for rebuilding trust and relationship recovery. That may include an agreement to be more vulnerable and honest to each other about your feelings and needs, an agreement to pay attention to each other's bids for connection, or a decision to start individual therapy for relationship issues or a couples intensive. Also, planning small steps towards improving your relationship's quality, such as spending more time together or doing certain things together, may benefit your marriage.

Summary

Love and trust are essential to the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. However, respect and trust are not enough. In times of marriage crisis, learning to listen carefully, communicate honestly, and be vulnerable with each other, are the tools to navigate relationship challenges.

I hope this information gives you an insight into how to save your marriage and make your relationship what you want it to be. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to call at (703)-347-3200 for your free of charge 15-min consultation and/or to schedule an appointment in my Wake Forest office or online here.