Why Marriage Counseling Doesn’t Work

Couples who attend marriage counseling Raleigh NC expect their marriage therapy to be effective and their relationships to improve. However, despite both parties’ efforts and commitment, there is sometimes little or no progress.

There are many different reasons why marriage counseling sometimes does not work. However, there are three primary reasons for couples counseling failure. Marriage counseling Raleigh NC is unlikely to be effective when there is:

·       An ongoing affair

·       An ongoing addiction

·       An ongoing abuse

There is an Active Affair in a Relationship

When one or both partners are engaged in an active and ongoing affair, marriage counseling Raleigh NC will not be successful. Even when a partner who is having an affair participates in marriage counseling but still does not feel they trust their marriage counselor enough to disclose the affair.

As a result, after a couple of sessions with their counselor, the couple will continue to experience roadblocks or see no progress at all. They may feel as if they are stuck, with no progress happening in your marriage counseling sessions. This can be an extremely frustrating and discouraging experience for everyone involved.

Disclosure of an affair happens only when the partner involved feels it is safe to open up or when they sense a blockage in marriage counseling and want to resolve it.

But marriage counseling is not recommended if you or your partner are engaged in an active and ongoing affair. It is strongly advised to seek individual counseling instead.

Individual counseling can help you understand the reasons for an affair, define relationship goals, process everything, and then, if and when you are no longer engaged in an affair, you can do marriage counseling.

There is an Active and Ongoing Addiction

Marriage counseling might not work if you or your partner are actively experiencing an addiction, whether it’s porn, sex, substances, alcohol, or any other kind of addiction.

From an attachment standpoint, this addiction is a “third person” who is a competitive attachment figure to the primary partner. So, as long as the addicted partner chooses to spend time and energy on their addiction, it is challenging to build enough safety and security in a relationship to do the work.

Again, individual counseling is recommended if you or your partner are engaged in addiction.

There is an Active and Ongoing Abuse

Marriage counseling might not work, and it’s not even recommended when there is abuse in a relationship, whether physical, sexual, or emotional. Marriage counseling in the case of active and ongoing abuse in a relationship may further compromise the victim’s safety. Individual counseling is always recommended instead.

If toxic patterns in your relationship make you feel afraid and insecure, have low self-esteem, and battle persistent feelings of guilt, shame, and helplessness, you may feel trapped in the cycle of abuse.

Protecting yourself and seeking help from people you can trust is critical. In this case, however, you should seek individual counseling. A qualified therapist can assist you in identifying abuse, establishing boundaries, breaking the cycle of abuse, and regaining your sense of self-worth.

Summary

Most couples seek marriage counseling Raleigh NC in order to improve communication, rekindle emotional closeness, heal from infidelity, and reignite intimacy and trust. In most cases, marriage counseling helps them resolve their issues and rebuild stronger, healthier relationships.

However, there are some cases when marriage counseling does not work, and you should be aware of this before beginning your marriage counseling Raleigh NC. An ongoing affair, addiction, and abuse are three of the most typical reasons why marriage therapy is ineffective. Individual counseling is recommended if you and your spouse struggle with these three issues.

I hope this is helpful. If you have any questions or would like to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with me, click here or check out FAQs to learn more.

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

Stop wasting years of your precious life to feel happy. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation with me today by clicking here. During the call you will discover how having a place to heal your relationship with a guide can take you from the hurt to a healthier relationship than the one you grew up with.

Hi, I'm Irina Baechle, LCSW, in Raleigh, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic.

Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage or you are single and navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you.

Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception! Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, roommate marriages, healthy second marriages, and healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.