Why Appreciation is Important
Couples and individuals who want to do life differently seek marriage counseling Raleigh NC to guide them throughout the process of personal growth.
As a couples therapist, I enjoy working with individuals and couples who want to break their generational cycle and do things differently than their parents, who want to slow down and take time to understand themselves, develop, and grow.
Marriage counseling Raleigh NC is a great place to understand what impact your behavior patterns have on your partner, family members, and other people around you.
One tool I often use in marriage counseling sessions is "expressing appreciation."
And here is why this is important.
Expressing appreciation to each other at the end of the day is an excellent way to improve your communication, turn toward each other's bids for connection, and feel seen, heard, and valued.
How Appreciation Can Improve Your Relationship
Dr. John Gottman uses the metaphor of "the four horsemen of the apocalypse" to describe patterns of communication that generally result in a breakdown in communication and other difficulties in relationships. These hurtful ways of communication involve criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
According to Dr. Gottman's research, contempt (treating each other poorly – by being cynical, sarcastic, and generally mean to each other) is the main predictor of whether or not a couple will remain together.
The best way to combat contempt is to cultivate an attitude of appreciation in your relationship and to behave respectfully toward one another.
Show Appreciation in Your Marriage During Your Daily Check-Ins
Maintaining a happy and healthy relationship is possible by setting up daily check-ins with your partner. In order to do a check-in with your spouse, you will need to set aside some time during the day (the best time for this is towards the day's end) to talk honestly about your relationship while you are not interrupted by anything else.
You can use this check-in time to appreciate one another. This is critical because most of the time, we are good at remembering things that are problematic or negative in some manner.
This is how our brain works – its job is to keep us safe. Therefore, the brain prioritizes remembering problems so we can solve them and stay safe, often overlooking the good things we should be grateful for.
The Power of "Tell Me One Thing That I Did Well Today" Exercise
Spending a few minutes at the end of the day to reflect on what went well between you two during the day and sharing it with your spouse can go a long way in improving your relationship. It might be as basic as "Thank you for cleaning the dishes today" or "Thank you for doing that additional thing you didn't have to do today." Still, it can be as grand as "Thank you for being there for me while I was suffering."
Words of appreciation can be as modest or as large as you choose. But the goal here is to create a new neurological pathway in which we teach ourselves to perceive the goodness in ourselves, our relationships, our children, and others.
Remembering good, positive things and expressing that appreciation consistently builds a different way of relating to our loved ones and the world in general.
Summary
Marriage counseling Raleigh NC can be a great place to start practicing your appreciation exercise and rewiring your brain to be more grateful. Showing appreciation during your daily check-ins is a wonderful way to build the foundation for healthy, productive communication. I hope this was helpful. If you have any questions or would like to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with me, click here or check out FAQs to learn more.
This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships to do what is proven to work and help them heal their relationship. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who is wanting to heal their relationship.
Stop wasting years of your precious life to feel happy. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation with me today by clicking here.
During the call you will discover how having a place to heal your relationship with a guide can take you from the hurt to a healthier relationship than the one you grew up with.
