Sneak Peek Into Powerful Exercise: Part Four

Marriage counseling Raleigh NC is a great place for couples and individuals who want to get to know themselves and their partners better, live a more fulfilling life, and learn helpful tools for better communication and happier relationships.

So, today I'd like to introduce you to the last part of the EFT exercise called "Identifying Your Cycle."

As we mentioned in previous posts about this powerful exercise, most couples get stuck in their relationships in the same communication loop (or "dance," as it is called in emotionally focused therapy or EFT). Marriage counseling Raleigh NC can help you and your partner address the underlying issues in your relationship, identify your problematic dance moves, and develop strategies to replace them with more positive communication and behavior.

In the first exercise, we identified the dance moves or things you and your partner do in those moments of disconnection and distress (yelling, shutting each other out, withdrawing, protesting, criticizing, defending yourself, etc.). The first exercise is a great way to start learning about what you do when your heart hurts, what your partner does, and how your steps affect your relationship.

In the second exercise, called "Perceptions," we examined your perceptions or stories you tell yourself about what's happening or a metaphor when things aren't going well between the two of you.

And finally, in the third exercise, "Metaphors and Body Sensations," we investigated what happens inside our bodies when we feel angry, defensive, or judged. An emotional experience begins with a feeling that you sense within your body. Then you create a mental story to explain what's happening in your body ("I feel like I'm walking on eggshells").

Understanding and slowing your mind down can help you understand what your mind and body are telling you in distressing situations so that you can rewire and create a new neural pathway with the help of your marriage counselor.

The Fourth Part: Emotions Under the Surface

Often, most of us don't know how to express our vulnerable experiences and feelings. When it comes to emotions such as sadness, fear, worry, or shame, we often struggle to express them. It is easier to blame, criticize, and condemn ("You don't care about how I feel!" "You never want to have sex!" "You'll never change!" "You always have to be right!") than to say, "I am scared. I feel alone in this relationship like you don't have my back."

Most of us don't talk like this.

In moments of disconnection, when things are not going well between you and your partner, what do you feel deep down inside?

I feel:

·       Lonely

·       Unimportant

·       Scared

·       Hopeless

·       Panicked

·       Inadequate

·       Isolated

·       Rejected

·       Hurt

·       Let down

·       Unwanted

·       Lost

·       Confused

·       Worried

·       Shaken

What are you feeling in those moments of disconnection, and how are you showing it to your partner? Do you show it to your partner? If not, what do you show?

Most often, when we feel disconnected, we show anger and frustration. We blame, or we disconnect and move away. Take a moment to think about this. Then journal about your feelings under the surface when you are in distress.

Summary

This ETF exercise may help you recognize your relationship dance moves, perspectives, and things your mind and body are telling you, as well as what is going on behind your anger, frustration, and blame. There's more going on there—hurt, disappointment, and sadness.

Identify that and see if you can show it to your partner. And if not, try to. But if you don't feel comfortable doing that, you might need to work with a professional who will guide you.

If you want to start improving your emotional and sexual life and rekindling the connection in your relationship, click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

Stop wasting years of your precious life trying to feel happy. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation with me today by clicking here. During the call, you will discover how having a place to heal your relationship with a guide can take you from the hurt to a healthier relationship than the one you grew up with.

 Hi, I'm Irina Baechle, LCSW, in Raleigh, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic. Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage or you are single and navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you.

Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception!

Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, sex, roommate marriages, healthy second marriages, and healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.