Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC: I Am as I Am Seen

How Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC And Couples Therapy Raleigh Can Strengthen Your Relationships (With Yourself AND Your Loved Ones)

As a marriage counselor in Raleigh, North Carolina, I work with couples and individuals to help them feel more connected, secure, and loved.

Marriage counseling Raleigh NC provides a secure environment for couples who don't know how to express love anymore without fighting to work on exploring their emotions and rekindling their connection.

Couples therapy Raleigh can help you get to a place in your relationship where you love and feel loved again.

See other posts about:

Relationship Myth # 1: Fighting a lot means we are in trouble

Relationship Myth # 2: We fell out of love and probably (?) need a divorce

Relationship Myth # 4: Couples therapy provides amazing results in a short period of time

Couples who seek marriage counseling Raleigh NC, often complain about communication issues and want to learn how to break out of old habits that are counterproductive to their relationship and improve communication within their partnership.

So, I am introducing you to an important technique used in emotionally focused therapy (EFT) that can help you view your communication and other marriage problems in a new way by understanding your emotions and experiences from a new perspective.

Reframing can help you challenge and change your negative thought patterns and beliefs that contribute to distress and to identify and regulate your emotions in a healthier way.

Reframing aims to help clients present their problems from a different angle, shift their negative self-perceptions and behavior patterns, and begin to see their experiences in a more positive light.

What does this mean in reality?

I Am as I Am Seen 

Dr. Becky recently discussed the concept known as "I am as I am seen." What this means is, "I operate in this world as you perceive me."

This applies to children; they operate the way their parents see them, so if you see them as bad kids, they will misbehave and act out, and their "bad" behaviors will be highlighted.

This also applies to adult couple relationships. If you see your partner's behaviors as "bad," they will behave like that. They will minimize, dismiss, and fail to acknowledge the good things happening, only paying attention to the problematic things in your relationship.

How Does This Work in Couples Fights?

In marriage counseling Raleigh NC, I've seen that when one partner says something mean to another partner, the receiving partner might react in two primary ways. If your partner was mean to you, you may either:

·       Get defensive or

·       Put away your personal defenses and become curious.

When you get defensive, you become protective of yourself and get hurt. You may get angry and say something like, "How dare you say something like that?! I am a good person, and I try so hard!"

When you react this way, you see your partner as an enemy, someone against you. You feel hurt and see yourself as the victim.

On the other hand, when you become curious and start acting like a naïve scientist, you are operating from a place where there is no judgment.

So, when your partner says something that hurts your feelings, you would say something like:

"I'm curious what's happening for you right now…..I know you're a good person, and don't say those things. But something big might be moving through you right now, making you say those words."

So, what you are doing here is reframing the experience and leading with curiosity. You are slowing yourself down and trying to understand instead of blindly reacting and getting defensive.

You are actually getting in touch with a little girl or boy inside you who is getting hurt and parenting that child with your adult self, who says:

"I chose you. I know you're a good person, and I believe in you. And I understand that this is not how you operate because I know that you respect and love me. Can you tell me more? What makes you feel so angry?"

So, even if a part of yourself gets hurt and defensive, you choose not to follow that part.

And that is HUGE. That changes the whole dynamics of your relationship and can transform it.

Summary

Reframing is a great tool in emotionally focused therapy. It may help clients gain new insights and perspectives on their experiences, resulting in positive changes in their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

The way that we see each other is critical. At the end of the day, you are going to transmit the energy that your partner is reflecting back to you—about you,

If you need more help than this blog can give you or want to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with me, click here. I offer the best marriage counseling I can! You can also check out the FAQs to learn more.

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

Stop wasting years of your precious life trying to feel happy. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation with me today by clicking here. During the call, you will discover how having a place to heal your relationship with a guide can take you from the hurt to a healthier relationship than the one you grew up with.

Hi, I'm Irina Baechle LCSW, in Raleigh, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic.

Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage, or you are single navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you.

Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception!

Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, roommate marriages, healthy second marriages, healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.