Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC: He Wants Sex All the Time, and I Don’t!

In today's fast-paced world, couples can easily drift apart, going from passionate partners to feeling more like roommates. When working with couples as a marriage counselor in Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC, I often see how the hectic daily life, particularly for those juggling careers and raising little children, leaves little time for maintaining a vibrant romantic and sexual connection. Understanding the nature of desire is the key to rekindling that flame.

If you are exhausted of feeling alone and disconnected and hate the idea of feeling like this for another minute much less another few months, my specialized marriage retreats in North Carolina can provide the relief right here right now!

Other blog posts you might find helpful:

Roommate Marriage: Why Does It Happen

Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC: Why Does Modern Marriage Feel So Hard?

Love and Intimacy – What to Do When I Love Everything About My Partner Except Sex?

How Does a Marriage Retreat in North Carolina Work?

Why EFT-Focused Marriage Retreat in North Carolina?

My vision is to help busy couples like yourself move from feeling like roommates to feeling like love mates, where you feel emotionally safe and connected while having an awesome sexual life.

Couples Therapy Raleigh NC: The Complexity of Desire in Relationships

Desire discrepancies are common among couples in Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC and online therapy North Carolina. It is not unusual for one partner to want more intimacy while the other may seek less. Your love language may be acts of service, while your partner's is physical touch. This discrepancy can cause insecurity, dissatisfaction, and a sense of incompatibility, compromising the relationship's stability.

So, what do you do? Understanding the two types of desire—spontaneous and responsive—can be a game changer for couples dealing with this issue.

Understanding Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire with Marriage Retreat in North Carolina

Spontaneous desire is like a sudden craving, a kind of desire that can emerge without any apparent trigger. It's the feeling of walking down the street, encountering something that sparks sexual interest, and immediately feeling aroused. While many men, particularly in their younger years, may identify with this type of desire, it's not exclusive to them.

On the other hand, responsive desire requires something to happen in an environment – external or internal stimuli to awaken sexual interest and arousal. This type of desire suggests a readiness to engage sexually, though the initial drive may not be present. It's about the willingness to explore and see where things lead, like getting a massage or being physically touched by your partner, and then see what happens.

Bridging the Desire Gap with Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC

Many couples struggle to bridge the gap between these desires, mainly those caught up in the daily grind of work and parenthood. However, it is essential to understand that this discrepancy in desire is a systemic issue within the partnership rather than a personal shortcoming. For instance, assessing the relationship dynamics and daily routines can uncover systemic issues that dampen desire. A clean kitchen, for example, or a shared household task can act as an accelerator for responsive desire by reducing stress and creating a more encouraging environment for intimacy. If you help your partner by taking something off their plate, they can become more relaxed, and their responsive desire can arise.

Again, a discrepancy in sexual desire is not an individual but rather a systematic issue. I highly recommend the book "Come as You Are" by Emily Nagoski, which provides invaluable insights into the dual control model of sex. In her book, Nagoski highlights the interplay between accelerators (factors that increase desire) and brakes (factors that decrease it). This is unconscious and out of our control behavior. Recognizing what acts as accelerators and brakes in your relationship can help create a more sexually fulfilling connection. And sometimes, you have to release a lot of breaks first before you can actually press and get the accelerator online.

Marriage retreat in North Carolina can help you understand and cater to each other's desire types, allowing you to recognize that both external circumstances (like the ambiance of your home, having a relaxing bath together, or going on a vacation) and internal states (lack of sleep, injury, not feeling well – all those factors that determine our emotional well-being or physical health) play crucial roles in shaping sexual desire. Addressing these things whether in couples therapy Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC or online therapy North Carolina can help release desire, making it possible for a sexual relationship to become more active.

Furthermore, open communication is a cornerstone of a healthy, mutually satisfying sexual life. Openly discussing your needs, desires, and the types of desires you resonate with can foster understanding and empathy within the relationship, helping you navigate your way through discrepancies.

Finally, when couples find it challenging to bridge the gap on their own, seeking guidance from a licensed relationship therapist can provide the tools and strategies needed to effectively navigate desire discrepancies. Both traditional couples therapy Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC and online therapy North Carolina can help you bridge this gap.

 Conclusion

Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC, can help you normalize and validate your experience and understand that desire discrepancy is common among couples. Feeling disconnected or having a desire disparity in your relationship does not mean the end. It is totally achievable to transition from feeling like roommates to loving mates with the correct understanding, methods, and, in some cases, professional coaching.

Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC, can help you reignite the spark that drew you together. By accepting the complexities of desire and collaborating to understand and meet one another's needs, you can strengthen your relationship.

At Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC, I offer the best marriage counseling I can using the most empirically validated modality called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT). Have questions about marriage counseling? Visit FAQ to find out more.

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

Quality marriage counseling in Raleigh NC, and online couples counseling in North Carolina and Virginia

‌Hi, I'm Irina Baechle LCSW, in Raleigh, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic. Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage, or you are single navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you. Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception! Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, roommate marriages, sexless marriage, healthy second marriages, healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.