Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC: Do You Want to Be Right or Do You Want to Be Married?

Many couples seek marriage counseling Raleigh NC to learn what makes communication better, how to break out of old, unproductive patterns, and how to improve communication within their relationship.

What Causes Communication Issues in a Marriage?

Communication challenges are one of the most prevalent reasons that couples seek marriage counseling. Even though many of us have a good understanding of communication skills, we frequently fail to make use of them in our interactions with our spouses and other people in real life. In addition, many couples come from different cultural backgrounds or were reared in households with different communication patterns, both of which have an impact on the ways in which they communicate with one another.

Other factors that can make it difficult for couples to talk to each other constructively may involve the following:

• not being able to see things from each other's points of view

• poor listening skills

• problems with mental health

• traumatic upbringing experiences

• unrealistic expectations from a relationship, etc.

• In addition, effective communication skills are rarely permanent. Most of us eventually revert to our old, ineffective communication patterns, especially during conflicts. So, in order to keep positive communication skills, you need to practice them frequently.

Marriage counseling is a safe place to talk about and figure out how to change harmful ways of communicating in a relationship.

Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC: Learning to Focus on the Bigger Picture

Many couples who seek out marriage counseling Raleigh feel as though they are stuck in cycles where they fight over the same things over and over again. So, one question that I frequently ask them is, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?" I borrowed this question from Esther Perel, a prominent relationship therapist and best-selling author.

In the course of her counseling with couples, she will typically ask the following question: "Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?"

In other words, if you want to be right, and you keep fighting with your partner just to prove your point, it means that you believe your partner is wrong.

Of course, in the short term, or in friendships, this is not so dangerous. For example, if you are certain about something and are arguing with a friend about it, it is not a big deal if you say, "You are not right about this and I am, because I know it; it’s a fact. Such a communication will not have a significant negative impact on somebody's feelings.

There’s Nothing Wrong with Being Wrong and Happy in Your Marriage

However, logical things don't truly work the same way when two people are in a romantic relationship.

At the end of it, you have to think about it this way: What is it that you are trying to prove to your partner? Are you trying to prove to your spouse that they are wrong, or are you trying to have a meaningful, connected, and safe relationship with them?

If the latter is the case, then it does not really matter whether you are right or wrong. What matters is that you have a way of communicating with each other in a way that works for your partner.

So, it is not about the way your communication works; it's about the way the nervous system of your partner work. For that to happen, you have to be very mindful, keep your feelings in check, and understand what triggers your partner.

Consider How Important the Issue You’re Fighting Over Is

We have to remember these little things that seem insignificant but are very important when it comes to relationships. So, you have to remind yourself that you can be right and divorced, or you can be wrong (if it’s important for your partner to be right) and happy in your marriage.

So, when you are in a rough spot with your partner, ask yourself, "Do I want to be right, no matter what? This is not so important."

Instead of focusing on a short-term solution or your need to be right, try shifting your attention to the bigger picture.

Activate Your Inner Parent

Activate your inner parent to calm a child who is panicking, for example, about being late. Ask yourself whether you want to be right or whether you want to be married. Tell yourself something encouraging, such as, "It's okay if we are ten or fifteen minutes late. There is no risk involved in being late because nothing awful is going to happen."

Summary

 I hope this was helpful. If you have any questions or would like to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with me, click here or check out FAQs to learn more.

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships to do what is proven to work and help them heal their relationship. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who is wanting to heal their relationship.

Stop wasting years of your precious life to feel happy. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation with me today by clicking here. During the call you will discover how having a place to heal your relationship with a guide can take you from the hurt to a healthier relationship than the one you grew up with.