From Stagnant to Sensational Marriage: Counselor's Guide to Overcoming a Sexless Marriage (Part Two)
Sexless marriages are much more common than most of us might think. It is something that comes up a lot with couples in marriage counseling Raleigh NC. The reasons that might play a significant role in why you and your partner find yourselves in a relationship with little to no sexual activity vary from couple to couple. But here are some of the most common.
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Stuck in a Sexless Marriage: The Underlying Causes
Well, we know that our sex drives are not all the same. People's libidos and sex drives change over time, so you can't count on your partner or yourself to always have an identical sex drive. Factors like stress, especially for those juggling the demands of their careers and little children, can play a significant role.
Also, cultural conditioning and the patterns and beliefs we carry from our families of origin can influence how we feel about sex and behave in the bedroom.
Then there's the aspect of our physical and mental health. Struggles with physical illness, like chronic UTIs, for example, can make sex uncomfortable or even painful, creating emotional and physical barriers to intimacy. Furthermore, struggles with anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues can greatly impact our libido, as well as low self-esteem or body image issues. If you are not feeling good about yourself, it can be challenging to feel sexy or want intimacy.
Finally, in my marriage counseling Raleigh NC sessions, I often hear one partner saying, "I'm too tired for sex." Of course, tiredness is a valid reason for not feeling in the mood for intimacy. And if sex is not exciting or enjoyable, it's natural to feel less motivated to engage in bedroom activities. But tiredness can also be an excuse, usually leading to deeper issues such as communication breakdown, conflicts, and emotional distance. So, it's important to get to the bottom of why sex isn't fun or satisfying.
The Gap Between Desire and Pleasure
When I work with couples and individuals who come for marriage counseling Raleigh NC, many of them say they don't know what turns them on. This gap between desire and pleasure can make sex feel more like a chore than a fun, intimate experience. Furthermore, in our fast-paced world, the quick release provided by masturbation might occasionally replace the need for a deeper, more patient sexual connection with a partner.
How Does Your Attraction to Your Partner Play a Role?
Attraction to your spouse is a complex and often fluctuating aspect of the relationship. While challenging, having open and honest conversations about these emotions is critical for a good partnership. marriage counseling Raleigh NC can provide a safe and non-judgmental setting to express your feelings and bring up this difficult topic in a way that doesn't hurt your partner.
The First Steps Toward Change from Stagnant to Sensational Marriage
If you're stuck in a sexless marriage, the first step is introspection and self-awareness. Understand what factors are relevant to your situation. It might be a combination of several factors, and identifying them is critical for adequately addressing them. Whether through journaling, marriage counseling, or confiding in a trusted friend, starting this road of self-discovery is essential.
It's also critical to appreciate your partner and see them as someone with their own experiences, hurts, and needs, rather than as an enemy. This shift in viewpoint can reduce defensiveness and allow you to have more constructive conversations.
Summary
Sexless marriages are a common topic in marriage counseling Raleigh NC. If you find yourself in a sexless marriage, this can be due to various factors, such as libido changes, stress, physical or mental health issues, deeper relationship problems, or fluctuating attraction levels. Marriage counseling can be a great place to start open communication and self-awareness to address and overcome these challenges.
I hope this is helpful. If you have any questions or would like to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with me, click here or check out FAQs to learn more.
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Hi, I'm Irina Baechle, LCSW, in Raleigh, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic. Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage or you are single and navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you. Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception! Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, roommate marriages, healthy second marriages, and healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.
