Have You Told Your Partner What You Need

Marriage counseling Raleigh NC provides a safe space for couples to address their issues, openly discuss their thoughts, feelings, and concerns, and find ways to reconnect.  It's a judgment-free zone where the two people who still love but don't like each other anymore can work through their problems, understand any unhealthy patterns, and learn healthier ways to cope.

Often, relationship crashes arise because people have different expectations or don't talk about their needs, worries, and expectations in the right way.

Does Your Partner Know What You Need? 

In today's post, I'd like to share something that came up in one of my recent counseling sessions. While working with a struggling couple, I learned that the male partner feels constantly criticized and attacked by the female partner. At the same time, the female partner feels overwhelmed by everyday tasks and responsibilities.

They both have demanding careers. But on top of her stressful job, the wife takes care of their two little children and most household chores. According to a male partner, she feels like she is stressed all the time, so every time he wants to reach her, talk to her, or engage her sexually, she simply rejects him, criticizes him, and withdraws.

So, as I began talking with this couple and unpacking - their relationship cycle, what's going on beneath the surface for each of them, the trauma history, and so on - it became evident to me that they had never spoken what each of them needed from the other.

The partner criticizing and attacking was utterly unaware that she was doing so. She had no idea her spouse felt the way he did because he never told her he felt that way.

One thing I wanted to mention here that you might find helpful if you aren't currently committed to couples therapy is asking yourself whether you believe your spouse understands what you need. Because, most commonly, they don't.

Even if you believe or assume your spouse understands what you want or need, you usually do not.

How to Tell Your Partner What You Need: A Marriage Counseling Tip 

First, ask yourself what you need from your partner, and then approach them and say something like, "When we get in a situation where you say this comment to me, I feel attacked. I feel criticized. I know you don't mean it, but it really hurts me." And just pause there and see what their reaction is.

They might get defensive or be surprised or shocked because they've never heard those words before. However, having the dialogue about what it is that you need and how it is that you feel might shift things for you for the better. If it doesn't, you might need support from marriage counseling.

Couples who feel stuck and helpless find marriage counseling a fantastic experience. A qualified counselor can help them understand where they are in their relationship and how to get unstuck.

Summary 

Many of our relationship issues have their roots in misunderstandings and poor communication. Couples counseling Raleigh NC can be your safe place to learn how to reach out to each other and honestly address your needs, wants, and concerns.

I hope this is helpful and that you apply it not only to your relationship with your spouse but also to your relationships with your children, friends, and other significant people in your life. If you have any questions or would like to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with me, click here or check out the FAQs to learn more.

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

Hi, I'm Irina Baechle, LCSW, in Raleigh, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic. Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage or you are single and navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you. Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception!

Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, roommate marriages, healthy second marriages, and healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.