You found out that your partner cheated on you. You feel betrayed, furious, and hurt. It is tough to let go of those negative feelings. However, you are not sure if you want to leave your spouse because you still love him or her. You may feel confused because you don't know how to forgive.

Whether to forgive your partner for cheating is probably one of the hardest decisions you'll ever have to make. However, it would help if you had this conversation with yourself. Do not listen to your friends, neighbors, and social media. Only you can decide that.

Forgiving your partner who cheated can have a healing effect. Animosity and anger you feel are typical and expected, but these feelings can poison you if they last long.

Anger never resolves the problems that caused it in the first place. Similarly, anger cannot make your hurt thaw. Anger appears because you are struggling with emotional pain that is not getting dealt with directly. That is, turning into anger – but even distracted with rage, you feel sad and hurt. When you decide to stop thinking of whether to forgive your partner or not and let go, resentment and anger will, after some time, fade on their own.

What Do You Need to Do to Overcome Infidelity?

Forgiveness means your readiness to let go of the past and negative emotions your partner's infidelity caused and to move on. However, forgiveness does not mean forgetting.

If you highly value the relationship, the desire to reconcile can motivate you to forgive your partner for cheating. However, if you decide to suppress hurt and anger, you may never be able to forgive. This will only further strain your relationship.

Forgiveness doesn't equal forgetting – if you decide to forgive infidelity, it doesn't mean your partner's affair can be undone. It means that you have let go of negative feelings towards your partner and are ready to move on.

Marriage counseling can help to facilitate forgiveness. It provides useful tools and strategies to make the process of forgiveness easier and help you work through this process more quickly.

What Caused Infidelity?

Wake Forest couples intensive counseling can help you delve into the reasons that caused your partner to cheat. It may be extremely challenging to search the reasons for infidelity without accusing and blaming, I know. However, try to find out what motivated your partner to cheat on you, without self-blame or accusing and judging him.

For your marriage to heal, both you and your partner must be committed to rebuilding trust, repairing the damage, and rekindling the closeness.

Examine and acknowledge your feelings and talk to your partner honestly about how you feel. Acknowledge your partner's feelings, as well. Staying focused on the present doesn't mean you should not bring up the past at all, though. But remember, the inability to let go of negative emotions may be a sign that your relationship is not worth recovering it.

Infidelity may be a turning point in your marriage. However, waiting days or weeks for a one-hour session to work on your problems may not be the best option.

Couples intensive counseling can help you work through this painful experience and your emotions. But your spouse must be willing to stop the affair, communicate honestly about what has happened, and show a willingness to answer the questions. At the same time, you need to work on your emotions and to understand what has happened, why it has happened, and how to move on.

Stopping the patterns of secrecy and building a stronger bond between you and your spouse are the foundations of your marriage recovery.

Take Your Time Before You Make the Decision

After the disclosure of infidelity, you will most likely experience an array of emotions, from disbelief and anger to grief and desperation, and from blame to self-judgment. It is all right if you don't feel like talking about infidelity or whether to forgive or not. Allow yourself time to reflect on what has happened.

Ask yourself before you decide, can you forgive your partner, and can you trust him or her again? Research marriage counseling options and ask your partner if he or she will go to therapy.

Also, try not to make any major decisions at this stage since you are hurt and still processing what has happened. The first step towards recovery after infidelity in marriage is restoring peace and self-control.

Summary

Forgiveness is a process that needs to start from within. Don't listen to other people's opinions, advice, and suggestions. It is you who need to decide whether to forgive infidelity or not.

Wake Forest marriage counseling can be a safe place for you and your partner to start rebuilding a conscious relationship or part ways on good terms. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to give me a call at (703)347 3200 and schedule an appointment online or in my Wake Forest office here.