When to walk away and when to stay after infidelity – many people will tell you this is an easy one. If your partner has cheated on you, you should walk away.

However, as most things in life, this situation is not a black or white. Many couples come to my Wake Forest office because they want to attend couples counseling and stay in the relationship after infidelity.

When deciding whether to walk away or stay married after infidelity, the most important thing to remember is that you should do what feels right to you. Please don't listen to your family and friends and never allow them to decide for you.

There are a few things to consider after infidelity in marriage. If you are not sure whether to stay or walk away, the following tips might help decide if it is worth pursuing your relationship or not.

Your partner refuses to apologize and discuss what has happened

Some people find it extremely hard to apologize for any bad behavior. However, if your partner refuses to talk about what has happened and to issue an apology, this may either be a sign of some underlying issues in your marriage or that he or she doesn't want to commit to improving the relationship.

Communication is essential after infidelity has happened, whether or not you and your spouse want to stay together. A partner who is not open to a discussion could be understood as one that doesn't care about you or the relationship.

Your partner refuses to get marriage counseling

If your partner doesn't want to come to Wake Forest marriage counseling, this is a red flag that they may not have what it takes to put effort toward rekindling closeness and improving your marriage.

Your partner is still keeping in touch with the person they had an affair with

After the disclosure of infidelity in marriage, the relationship with the person your partner cheated on you needs to be resolved entirely. If your spouse is still involved with that person, the reconciliation in your marriage is pretty unlikely.

You have no desire to stay

If you feel emotionally, mentally, and physically drained, or you sense that you cannot trust your partner anymore, it may be a sign that you should walk away. No marriage counseling won't help you save your marriage if you have no desire to try to work things out.

Your partner acts like a victim

Your partner may make you feel as though their infidelity was your fault. In other words, you may have become a victim of gaslighting without even noticing it. Gaslighting refers to a form of emotional and mental abuse that causes the victim to start doubting her or himself and questioning their reality until they lose the sense of their self-worth.

If your unfaithful partner makes you feel confused, guilty, or keep asking yourself whether everything was your fault, you may be stuck in a toxic relationship, that is damaging even without infidelity.

You want to stay for the sake of the children

Some people believe that staying together no matter what is better for their children. However, staying in the marriage after infidelity for the children can do more harm than good. If you often don't forgive infidelity, you will most likely fight or withdraw and stop communicating, which is an unhealthy environment for raising kids. If you have decided to stay in the marriage for your kids' sake, seek out a marriage counseling for support.

You may decide to stay in the marriage and struggle with your decision afterward if you didn't really forgive in your hart. If this is your, you may benefit from intensive couples counseling in crisis with a certified marriage counselor who can help understand the reasons for infidelity, rebuild trust, and re-establish a healthy relationship.

Summary

Infidelity in marriage is one of the biggest challenges you may experience in a relationship. Are you going to stay in the relationship or leave – this choice should be only yours. Either way, the decision is not easy to make. Whether infidelity in marriage involves sexual cheating or an emotional affair, or both, you should take your time to decide how you want to proceed with the relationship.

Wake Forest couples counseling can be a safe place for you and your partner to start rebuilding a conscious relationship or part ways on good terms.

I hope this information gives you a better insight into when to walk away and when to stay after infidelity. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to give me a call at (703)347 3200 and schedule an appointment online or in my Wake Forest office here.