Relationship Myth # 4: “Therapy is for Losers and Crisis, We can Figure This Sh*t Out Ourselves”

Relationship Myth # 4: “Therapy is for Losers and Crisis, We can Figure This Sh*t Out Ourselves”

One of the first things I say to couples who seek marriage counseling in Wake Forest, NC is this: the best time to go to therapy is when things are going well and you are not in crisis, NOT when you’re experiencing difficulties. Research shows that, on average, couples wait 8 years before they seek professional help – 8 years!!!!

Lots of couples decide to seek support from friends and family. Yes, your friends and family might be helpful, but they are biased and do not know your relationship cycle, your behavior patterns, and your feelings.

You might think, “We are smart, educated, and reasonable. We don’t need couples therapy. Even if we do, we won’t need more than a couple sessions to get back on track.” Well, you’ll be disappointed to hear that a quick fix in life simply doesn’t exist – whether we talk about your health, school, career or relationships.

And if we reflect on the above-mentioned fact that, on average, couples wait around eight years before they seek professional marriage counseling – it becomes pretty obvious that a few therapy sessions won’t get your relationship to a better place. The truth is that most couples need at least 30-45 sessions to start feeling reconnection and recovery of their relationship.

However, before we debunk this “Therapy is for Losers and Couples in Crisis” myth, let’s see what couples therapy is.

What is Couples Therapy?

Couples therapy or marriage therapy is a form of psychotherapy where the couples therapist works with couples helping them gain an understanding of their relationship, learn communication skills, solve conflicts, reconnect emotionally, and boost relationship satisfaction.

Your couples therapist will also help you learn the skills to build emotional resilience, manage your feelings, develop better behaviors, and come to terms with your past experiences.

Why Do You Need Couples Therapy?

You and your partner may think that seeing a couples or marriage therapist can help improve your relationship, but you simply feel unsure of how to proceed and of whether your relationship challenges can be resolved. So, let’s delve on some common issues that indicate that you would benefit from marriage counseling in Raleigh, NC.

·      Something Definitely Feels Wrong, Although You Cannot Articulate What

Couples therapy doesn’t aim only to help you solve your relationship problems but to help you identify them too. For example, you can feel a change in your relationship dynamics, but you can exactly say what’s the problem. You feel the change in your interaction, but you cannot describe it. You still love your partner, but you feel kind of emotionally detached. And you are not comfortable admitting it even to yourself, but you’ve lost the interest in sex and don’t feel the chemistry anymore. Or you don’t feel as comfortable with your partner as you used to at the beginning of your relationship.

You may think this is something that happens to everyone. It’s a long-term relationship. People lose interest in each other. They feel lonely. They fight. You can’t expect everything to run smoothly, right?

Obviously, you can’t. A perfect relationship does not exist. However, emotional distance, sexual disconnection or constant fights are serious red flags that your interactions are becoming unhealthy and that your relationship is turning into a dysfunctional one and might benefit from therapy.

·      You Have Trust and Communication Issues

Broken trust issues: this is one of the most common reasons for seeking marriage counseling. Whether the reason for a significant breach of trust lies in a sexual affair, emotional affair or money-related deception, rebuilding trust can be an extremely hard and painful process.

Trust issues inevitably trigger endless arguments and conflicts that start to pile up. When one or both of you constantly feel misunderstood, ignored or neglected, couples counseling can help learn skills that will help you reconnect, hear, and understand each other.

·      Emotional and/or Sexual Intimacy is Gone or Faded Away

After a few years of marriage, you feel that your once passionate and caring relationship turned into just sharing space. Your partner feels more like a roommate, and not a lover anymore.

Many couples lose the spark in their relationship sooner or later. The grinds of everyday life: kids, work, and chores often turn a passionate relationship into a roommate one with time and you slowly but definitely start growing apart. Similarly, sexual problems can be both a cause and a symptom of problems in a relationship.

If you feel that your relationship is turning into a roommate one, you need to start working together on rebuilding it as soon as possible.


Most couples naively believe that problems in their relationship are something that they can handle without professional support. Or even worse, something that will go away on its own. Don’t wait for years to pass before you decide to seek help in repairing your connection. Marriage counseling in Raleigh, NC can be of a great assistance in reclaiming your relationship with both yourself and the person who matters the most.

I hope this information helps you to better understand why is important to start couples counseling on time. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to give me a call at (703)347 3200 and schedule an appointment in my Wake Forest office


Irina Baechle,LCSW is a founder, owner, and a licensed therapist at IrinaBaechleCounselingLLC. She specializes in helping distant couples and anxious singles build truly connected and meaningful relationships. She currently offers online and in-home counseling services to residents of Virginia and North Carolina (and most countries abroad). Click here to schedule your free 15 min consultation. Follow her on Facebook, Pinterest, and Youtube for useful tips and resources.

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