As a marriage therapist in Raleigh, NC, I often work with couples who face the same problem: one partner wants to stay married while the other wants a divorce. The spouse interested in keeping a marriage alive often feels as if someone pulled the rug under their feet. They are shocked and in disbelief that something like that could have happened to them. 

Most people who come to couples therapy in Wake Forest say they didn’t see it coming. What I believe is that maybe some of them have chosen to ignore the alarms of unhappiness their partner has been trying to ring for years. 

Marriage Counseling Raleigh: How to Save Marriage When You’re the One Trying?

Whether you have been sensing your partner’s dissatisfaction or they decision seems out of the blue, you are never really prepared for divorce. You may be ready to try anything to save your divorce, including marriage counseling. 

But how to save a marriage if you are the only one who wants this? 

Although the situation can be very frustrating to the one trying, some things can be done to save the marriage.

If you are the one who is trying to save your marriage, despite the spouse who is no longer interested, you need to learn how to fight for your marriage in constructive and effective ways. 

Marriage retreat in NC can be a helpful tool in your fight to restore your marriage to what it was before.

However, before you take any action, take time to reflect on your relationship and determine whether your marriage crisis is just a temporary issue or the actual end of your marriage. 

What to Do if Your Spouse Wants a Divorce

• Seek Help

When you want to stay married, but your partner wants a divorce, couples therapy in Wake Forest can help you clarify what you need to change to help your partner change their mind and how to improve your relationship. 

The advice I always give to my clients in marriage counseling in Raleigh is to find help early instead of waiting for relationship problems to pile up. Some studies show that most couples wait around eight years before seeking counseling, which is often too late to save the marriage. 

Even if your spouse seems determined, a relationship crisis doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage. Couples intensives in Raleigh, NC, can be a safe place to understand your relationship challenges, focus on each other, and explore your options when your marriage is in trouble. 

Here are some additional strategies that may help.

• Show Your Partner that You Care

Offer a listening ear even if your spouse repeats the same complaints over and over again. Your partner needs to feel heard and supported, so show them you care. Instead of playing blame games, show them that you are willing to change. Try to communicate without accusing or blaming each other and help your spouse feel safe and loved.

• Show Empathy

Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and try to see the situation from their angle, especially if you had an affair or caused some other type of attachment wound. This may help better understand your spouse’s reasons for not being willing to save the marriage.

• Allow for Questions and Concerns

After you let your partner know that you want to save the marriage, allow them to ask questions, express, and discuss important questions openly. 

• Avoid Arguments 

Although you can’t have open communication without slipping into a conflict from time to time, try to avoid unproductive arguments and blame games. Yes, arguments and discussions can be constructive as they can help us understand each other’s perspective needs and expectations. But arguments and fights only lead to a more profound misunderstanding and emotional distancing. 

• Give Your Partner Some Space

Allow your partner some time to think about their decision or even move out if they feel they need this. Give your spouse some space and respect their wishes. Inhibit the need to frequently call or text them and don’t show up in front of their office. Whether your spouse decides to give your marriage another try or to proceed with the divorce, giving them space will show your partner that you respect them. 

Summary

In my practice as a couples counselor, it often happens that one partner wants to stay married while the other one wants to put an end to their relationship. 

Opening up about your distress to a trained couples counselor can bring a sense of relief and hope. Couples counseling can help you work through your emotions and feel more confident in your decisions.

If you have any questions or would like to schedule an appointment in my Wake Forest or virtual office, do not hesitate to call me at (703)-347-3200 for your free of charge 15-min phone consultation. You can also book your free 15 min phone consultation online by clicking here https://www.irinabaechlecounselingllc.com/book-a-consult