You may often hear people say, "I can't remember when we last had sex. But I talk with my friends. It seems no one is having sex these days. I guess that's normal." 

A sexless marriage is one of the most common topics that surfaces in my work with couples in marriage counseling Raleigh NC. They are more common than most of us think. But that doesn't mean it's okay to be married without having sex and that you shouldn't do anything about it.

The conversations about this touchy subject reveal deep-seated concerns and misconceptions about love, attraction, and relationship dynamics. 

If you are exhausted of feeling alone and disconnected and hate the idea of feeling like this for another minute much less another few months, my specialized marriage retreats in North Carolina can provide the relief right here right now!

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My Truth, Your Body: How Marriage Counseling Can Help Start an Open Discussion 

Many people think that love should be unconditional and not depend on how someone looks or how they change. They believe they should not say that they don't like how their partner’s body has changed. They stress acceptance over criticism when they say, "You have to love your partner no matter what." I'm afraid I have to disagree with that, though.

While it's true that your partner's body is their business, your attraction to them – or the lack thereof – is your business, too.

One of the most common challenges for couples in long-term relationships is maintaining the attraction that drew them together in the first place. If changes in your partner's looks make you less interested in them, you should talk about it, no matter how shallow this may seem. This isn't about passing judgment but acknowledging a basic relationship fact: physical attraction.

Speaking your truth, however, requires you to approach this subject with tact and care. You don’t want to shame or injure your partner but to express your feelings and concerns honestly and without causing suffering or hurt. You don't want to offend them, but you also don't want to hurt them by being with them when you're not truly into them. How can you stay close if you don't talk about these things? It could lead to intimacy problems, infidelity, and emotional distancing. Marriage counseling Raleigh NC can give you the tools to communicate openly and strike a balance between honesty and empathy so that the talk is beneficial rather than damaging.

The Importance of Honest Conversations

 Again, the inability to discuss these feelings openly can lead to a deeper gap within your relationship. Imagine being with someone who isn't truly attracted to you but doesn't say anything because they don't want to hurt your feelings. Or even worse, feeling like you have to hide how you really feel to show your partner respect. This keeps you both stuck in a cycle of unspoken anger and dissatisfaction.

And this is not only about sex. It's all about honesty, communication, and mutual understanding. You want to be able to talk with each other honestly. When attraction fades, it's important to deal with the problem right away instead of letting it build up.

But what if talking about it seemed impossible? This is where expert help can make a difference. A therapist who specializes in working with couples and relationship issues may provide a safe environment to discuss these difficulties, supporting them through challenging talks.

Sexless Marriage: The Elephant in the Room 

 This "elephant in the room" gets worse when you ignore it. It changes not only the sexual side of the relationship but also its overall quality and the way the two people can talk to each other. Recognizing the problem is the first thing that needs to be done to solve it. 

Seeking Support 

 It takes strength to realize that you need to change and ask for help, whether through therapy or just talking to someone. I encourage my clients to open a dialogue with each other about these important things. Your partner might not even be aware that you're struggling or that your sexual needs are different. Or they may be so busy that they simply forget – when you have little kids, demanding jobs, and all those usual daily responsibilities, it’s easy to slip into a sexless marriage.

It's about facing the problem instead of using unhealthy ways to deal with it that only keep you stuck in the unhealthy dance moves. If you and your spouse are having problems, the first step toward overcoming sexless marriage is open and honest communication.

Summary

To deal with these problems, you must be honest and ready to ask for help when needed. Some people may turn to drugs, alcohol, or other distractions to avoid facing the problem. But confronting it head-on and working through it can lead to a healthier, happier relationship. Remember that recognizing the problem is the first step in fixing it.

I hope this is helpful. If you have any questions or want to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation with me, click here or check out FAQs to learn more.

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

Quality marriage counseling in Raleigh NC, and online couples counseling in North Carolina and Virginia

Stop wasting years of your precious life to feel happy. Schedule your free 15-minute consultation with me today by clicking here. During the call you will discover how having a place to heal your relationship with a guide can take you from the hurt to a healthier relationship than the one you grew up with.

Hi, I'm Irina Baechle, LCSW, in Raleigh, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic. Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage or you are single and navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you. Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception! Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, roommate marriages, healthy second marriages, and healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.