I often see an addiction to comfort when working with couples and individuals as a licensed marriage counselor in Raleigh, NC. This mindset is something that doesn’t discriminate against race, culture, or socioeconomic status.

Predictability and routine make us feel safe and give us a sense of control over our lives. So, most of us are curious to know what’s around the corner. We would like life to be predictable because this gives us an illusion of control. If we know what will happen, we can prepare ourselves.

But, of course, life doesn’t work this way. Things always happen, and we don’t have control over them.

What to Do When You Discover Your Marriage and Life Didn’t Go as Planned?

There comes a time when you are probably in your 40s or 50s, and you realize that life does not look the way you thought it would.

Many of my clients in marriage counseling Raliegh NC say they cannot deny any more how much the marriage they have been holding on to is not working anymore. They feel alone, disconnected, and stuck in a roommate marriage.

For some of my clients, their marriage feels like a piece of paper where the romantic connection no longer exists.

So, while you may understand that your marriage is not working, you are attached to what culture says about separation, divorce, or ending relationships. And you are worried about traumatizing your children for life. So, you would rather keep the status quo and continue doing life together while feeling detached and miserable.

You believe there is only one way of doing your life, so you don’t accept the reality and don’t want to do anything about it, feeling stuck and hopeless. So instead, you choose to stay in this “cage,” not wanting to explore the potential freedom outside.

Making a Conscious Choice to Stay in Your Marriage

It is critical that you recognize that you are making a choice here to remain attached due to your conditioned view of what family should look like.

We stick to our inherited beliefs and opinions from our parents, family members, and culture. So, we are sacrificing our freedom, alignment, and joy in life.

If you are in a similar situation right now, I would like you to ask yourself this question: Is your life palatable to you now?

And if it is not, then what are you doing about it? What do you need to make a change? What support do you need to break old patterns?

Do you need to talk to someone who understands? Do you need to go to marriage counseling Raleigh NC, write a journal about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, or start examining what is happening?

Marriage counseling Raleigh NC can help you move from feeling completely miserable and out of touch with yourself. A skilled counselor can assist you in making baby steps toward a better relationship with yourself and those around you.

Once you start working on yourself and your relationship, you will realize that life is full of possibilities. But unfortunately, our belief system is the only thing that keeps us attached and locked in this emotional cage where we think we need to know everything and be in control.

There is never only one way of doing things in life. There are many different ways to live life; sometimes, we need to hear this from someone else. Sometimes, we need permission and someone to let us know that we deserve the right to be happy and fully present and engaged in our lives.

Summary

Understanding that life is not meant to be predictable and that we are not supposed to have control might help you feel happier and at peace with yourself. We need to adapt, grow, and change as long as we live. And to accept that the future is uncertain, and that is the way it should be.

I hope this was helpful. If you have any questions or would like to schedule an appointment with me, do not hesitate to book your free 15 min phone consultation online by clicking here.