Deciding Whether to Commit to Relationship: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself

Deciding Whether to Commit to Relationship: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself

You aren’t sure whether this relationship is the one you should commit to and you’re wondering whether marriage counseling in Wake Forest, NC can help you find the answers. You and your partner have been together for a while, and, in general, you get along well. There are no major issues, conflicts, or fights. You have a lot of common interests and have fun doing things together.

However, there is a part of you that is not sure whether to commit to this person; you’re simply uncertain whether you are a good fit.

Here are five questions to ask yourself that might help you decide whether to commit to a relationship. Look deep inside, calm your mind, and be honest in your answers.

1.Do you worry that your relationship would mean giving up your independence?

A committed relationship always means giving up a bit of your independence. For example, you can’t even plan a vacation or a weekend getaway without checking out with your partner first, let alone your future. However, in a conscious, committed relationship, you and your partner discuss your plans, preferences, and priorities. You compromise, negotiate, agree or disagree.

But if you are not ready to give up a slice of your independence, if you’re not willing to compromise and you enjoy doing things independently rather than with your partner, ask yourself whether you’re ready to fully commit to your relationship with this person.

Also, if you and your partner don’t appreciate each other for who you are but want to change each other, this may be a sign you are not ready to commit. You might challenge each other, but that is very different from trying to change each other.

2. Do you trust your partner?

Trust is a key point of a committed relationship. Trust means that you are sure you can rely on each other. It also means that there is no room for dishonesty in your relationship. Having a secret bank account or an emotional affair with a coworker is a sure trust red flag in your relationship. Do you keep each other’s secrets or you share your private conversations with others? If you don’t feel there is trust between you and your partner, consider whether your relationship is the right one.

3. Do you want the same things from life?

An important question to ask yourself is whether you and your partner share the essential values, expectations, and ideas about life? For instance, do you agree on some basic things such as where you are going to live, in the city or the suburb? Can you agree on whether you are going to have kids or how you are going to maintain relationships with your families? Moreover, can you openly and honestly discuss what you both want to achieve in your relationship and in life?

Are your partner’s attitudes, values, and expectations compatible with yours? Are there any major differences in your hopes and dreams about the future and how do you handle them? Do you want a traditional partnership where one partner stays at home or you’re both career-oriented? The key differences need to be discussed and resolved before you commit to a long-term relationship.

4. Communication with your partner: do you feel good vibes?

Communication is a skill we learn and master throughout our lives. An effective communication with your partner means that you can listen carefully and focus your attention to what they are saying. When you argue and discuss, you have a hard time truly hearing each other. Therefore, to really understand your partner’s standpoint, you need to be able to communicate without blaming, judging, and criticizing each other. If you don’t feel the good vibes in communication, if you are demeaning or criticizing each other, you cannot express yourselves fully. So, you might be right for being doubtful whether to commit to such a relationship.

5. Do you want to stay open for other options?

If you keep asking yourself “What if I should wait for someone better to come along?” you are probably not ready to commit to your partner. Well, you can never be sure, you might say. However, if you are really in love, you simply don’t have those doubts. When you are in a committed relationship, the prospect of someone better coming along is simply besides the point. So, if you still have those doubts, then you should probably not commit and give both yourself and your partner the opportunity to find a rock-hard partnership somewhere else.


If you’re not totally confident whether to commit to a relationship, try asking yourself a few simple questions. Be honest with yourself when reflecting on your relationship. Can you imagine yourself with this person in five, ten, fifteen years? Do you share the same values and dreams? Can you communicate effectively? Do you want to keep your opportunities open?

If you are unsure of your commitment, or simply want to solidify your love, do not hesitate to call at (703)-347-3200 for your free of charge 15-min consultation and/or to schedule an appointment in my Wake Forest office or online.


Irina Baechle,LCSW is a founder, owner, and a licensed therapist at IrinaBaechleCounselingLLC. She specializes in helping distant couples and anxious singles build truly connected and meaningful relationships. She currently offers online and in-home counseling services to residents of Virginia and North Carolina (and most countries abroad). Click here to schedule your free 15 min consultation. Follow her on Facebook, Pinterest, and Youtube for useful tips and resources.

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