Deciding Whether to Commit to Relationship: Is This You?

Deciding Whether to Commit to Relationship: Is This You?

You are in a fine, stable relationship and you don’t think you need marriage counseling in Wake Forest, NC. You are doing OK – you have been together for a while and you really like your partner. You get along well and you love each other. There are no significant flaws in communication.

However, you can’t escape the feeling that you’re just “not feeling it 100 percent” for whatever reason. It’s hard to explain, hard to put into words. And as a result, you simply can’t decide whether to commit to this relationship.

At the same time, you are scared to go back to the “swipe right” hookup culture again (besides, you’re not that young anymore). And the dating world can be crazy, unpredictable, and completely changed from the last time you were part of it.

Your partner is a really good person. But how well can you get to know somebody, after all? What if they are unfaithful? What if they keep secrets from you? Or not love you as much as they say? How will your relationship look ten years from now? Will you be able to keep the passion alive? You certainly don’t want to end up like your married friends who live like roommates. No, thank you.

Alright, let’s be honest. Look in yourself and try to answer a simple question: are you totally into him or her? Is your partner your soulmate?

A sad truth is that love sometimes just isn’t enough. Here are some signs your partner is not your soulmate (even if you love each other).

  1. You’re Trying to Fix Your Partner

If you’re constantly trying to change your partner, you’ll spend years just wasting your time. Although you may significantly influence or challenge each other, you cannot (and you shouldn’t) change your partner. Simply admit that you are not each other’s soulmate.

  1. You’re not Enjoying Intimacy

While it’s normal for your sex life to decrease over time, it’s not normal to have no sexual chemistry and no sexual urge whatsoever. If you are not enjoying sex with your partner, it may be time to admit that you are not a perfect match.

  1. You are not Happy with Yourself

The lack of self-esteem may strongly affect your relationship.  Because, if you don’t love yourself, how in the world are you going to love your partner? So, before you start working on your relationship, it may be a good idea to focus on yourself first. Before you look for traditional couples counseling in Raleigh, NC, you might need a personal coach for relationships who can help you reflect on your feelings and discover what do you really want from the relationship.

  1. You Feel Stressed Out Around Your S.O.

Does your significant other make you peaceful and relaxed or anxious and uncomfortable? If your partner regularly makes you feel stressed, it could be a sign that you should not commit to this person.

  1. You Think About Someone Else

It doesn’t matter if you are actually picturing a real relationship with someone else or you just like imagining yourself with another person in general. If you are constantly choosing to daydream about a different life, this may be a red flag that you’re not ready to commit to this relationship.

  1. You Feel Distanced

Although you don’t have any major relationship issues, you simply feel distant, like you’re sharing the living space with a roommate and not a lover. You rather silently disapprove than argue, feeling and acting politely indifferent towards each other most of the time. Emotional disconnection in a relationship is a sure sign that you either don’t want or don’t know how to commit.

  1. You Have Poor Communication

Once set, negative communication patterns are hard to change. If you feel that your communication sucks, it is normal to feel uncertain whether to commit to the relationship or not. Strained communication can leave both of you constantly hurt, insecure, depressed, and frustrated. Furthermore, this may cause you to either become aggressive or withdraw from the conversation.

Some of the factors you might want to work during your couples counseling may include poor listening skills, different points of view, cognitive biases, and cultural and/or linguistic barriers between you and your spouse.


You love your partner but you are afraid of making a big mistake. You cannot ignore the overwhelming sense of ambivalence about the future of your relationship.

If you are looking for help in discovering how to build a strong, long-lasting relationship that will allow both of you to grow as individuals while strengthening your unison, marriage counseling in Raleigh, NC can be a great beginning of your journey.

If you want to feel confident about your choices and be sure of your commitment, do not hesitate to call at (703)-347-3200 for your free of charge 15-min consultation and/or to schedule an appointment in my Wake Forest office or online.


Irina Baechle,LCSW is a founder, owner, and a licensed therapist at IrinaBaechleCounselingLLC. She specializes in helping distant couples and anxious singles build truly connected and meaningful relationships. She currently offers online and in-home counseling services to residents of Virginia and North Carolina (and most countries abroad). Click here to schedule your free 15 min consultation. Follow her on Facebook, Pinterest, and Youtube for useful tips and resources.

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