GRATITUDE IN THE MIDST OF PAIN

GRATITUDE IN THE MIDST OF PAIN

In many marriages today, couples happen to get fed up with each other soon after they tie the knot. This is true, not only in Raleigh, NC,  but all over the world. Couples begin to find reasons to be annoyed and they might even begin to notice qualities that get them irritated with each other. Couples who are irritated by each other could begin to get overly critical of themselves and back the criticisms up very negative and heartbreaking comments. Spouses may find a way to tolerate the level of irritation that they feel but in the long run, the irritation silently devours the level of happiness and satisfaction that they once had in the marriage

Some couples these days go into marriage without having a realistic picture of what being married really entails. Every one of us has a hope of finding our soulmate, the perfect pair, and the person whom we have dreamed of. We keep this hope alive so much that when we get married, we convince ourselves into believing that our spouse was all we ever dreamed of and wanted. The sad truth, however, is that most times our choices so not really fit the picture we once painted for ourselves about what our marriage should be like. Once we are hit by this realization that our spouse is not the perfect person we always dreamed of, we begin to have doubts. The doubts that we have become a magnifying glass for the flaws of our spouse and we become disillusioned, leaving us disappointed and highly dissatisfied.

A lot of married people, not only in Wake Forest and Raleigh but also in other parts of the world have been able to cope with and even overcome the disappointment of not marrying the person of their dreams. They have done so by consciously training themselves to see their partner in a different light. So, instead of being angry and struggling to change their partner to become who they are not designed to be, and probably never will be, these couples are enjoying a more enriched marriage life by tapping into the power of gratitude. How have they been able to do this?

The power of appreciation

In order to have a marriage where gratitude flourishes, one of the spouses has to take the all-important step, the initiative. This implies that one partner has to consciously make the choice to be much more appreciative of his/her spouse. That partner can be you.

Maybe you are entrapped in the habit of always directing your attention to the flaws of your partner but now, you need to begin shifting that focus and channeling it into appreciating your partner for the person that they are and for their good sides. Whenever you see or take note of any of their attributes or actions that are positive, simply let them know how you feel about it. Sincerely make use of beautiful words like “I really like how you …”, “I want to take you for…“, “I appreciated how you…“, and so on.

Invest in your marriage

When you really appreciate your spouse, you will automatically have a sense of commitment to them. It is true that the passage of time may have waned your level of commitment, especially, at the time when the realization that your partner wasn’t the perfect person you taught them to be. When you start to consciously develop value for the qualities that your spouse have, you will find yourself working towards things that will benefit them. Developing a grateful attitude for the spouse that you have, you will become more caring, thoughtful, and sensitive to their needs. You must realize that each time you do something to benefit your partner, you are simply investing in the future of your marriage.

Make your spouse feel special

A survey of more than twenty-one thousand couples revealed that almost 85% felt that their spouse had a negative or critical attitude. When you are always annoyed or unappreciative of your partner, you will tend to be overly negative and critical. With criticism comes contempt and it has been proven that contempt in a marriage can lead to its destruction. When you develop a habit of expressing appreciation more to your partner, your gratitude will spark up the magic you need to drive away negativity from your marriage and your partner will begin to feel highly valued.

Ensure that you feel special too

If you happen to be in a marriage where you get abused either physically or emotionally, make sure that you get professional help in order to break free of that chain. The truth is that gratitude alone cannot break that yoke. Gratitude basically works for couples who simply experience so much dissatisfaction in their marital life and can help to bring back the romance that couples once had. The results are that your partner will benefit positively from the effort that you have put in and you will begin to get rewards from your investment. Your partner will develop an appreciation for having you as their spouse and will begin to reciprocate.

You should also know that couples counseling can have a very great positive effect on your marriage. Marriage therapy can really help to make your relationship better as it has a way of improving relationship health generally. With relationship counseling, you will have the opportunity of really getting to understand how your spouse’s mind works and discover all the ideas that have built up in their head over a long time. Couple’s therapy could really be what you need to tackle the problems that are eating at your relationship.

I hope this information helps you understand more about how to recreate the exciting feeling that comes with a love affair between your partner and yourself in Raleigh. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to call at (703)-347- 3200 for your free of charge 15 min consultation and or to schedule an appointment in my Wake Forest office or online.


If you are looking for help with your relationships or marriage, you can read more about how I can help here. One of the biggest regrets that my couples share with me is that they wish they could have started couples counseling several years sooner. You do NOT have to be one of those couples. You deserve to feel loved and confident about your relationship TODAY. So pick up the phone and give a call,  so I can teach you how to live in the day to day in a way that leaves you feeling connected and energized about being together and feeling like a REAL couple. 

ABOUT AUTHOR

Irina Baechle,LCSW is a founder, owner, and a licensed therapist at IrinaBaechleCounselingLLC. She specializes in helping distant couples and anxious singles build truly connected and meaningful relationships. She currently offers online and in-home counseling services to residents of Virginia and North Carolina (and most countries abroad). Click here to schedule your free 15 min consultation. Follow her on Facebook, Pinterest, and Youtube for useful tips and resources.

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