Making a good relationship great: The evening routine to maximize connection

Making a good relationship great: The evening routine to maximize connection

After a long day of work or activities, most people want to lay back, relax and fall asleep. Especially if you live in a busy area like Wake Forest or North Raleigh where traffic has been getting significantly worse in the couple past years. The idea of kicking back and relaxing sounds lovely but unfortunately it is not the case especially when you have a family. Regardless of this, having a family is not a chore, it is a blessing. There are several ways to relax after a long day of work and many of them are better done with people you love and care about. Although evening routines are not as popular as morning routines, ending your day is just as important as starting your day. The assumption that we can just “sleep things off” is untrue and unhealthy. The best way to tackle an issue is by addressing it head on. With that being said, I have compiled a list of activities that can make up your evening routine. Feel free to personalize things for the comfort of everyone but make sure it still maintains the essence of the activity, which is spending time today. Therefore, here is a chronological list of activities that you can further personalize and make into your evening routine.

Greet each other 

 This seems awfully simple to do and it is. The issue is that most people forget to say hi when they are stressed out. Before you begin to chat, acknowledge the other person’s presence. You can do this with a kiss or with words. Make a habit of doing this, exchange courtesies before delving into the subject matter so that your spouse doesn’t end up feeling like a dumping can or someone you just unload all your worries onto without doing the same for them.

Have a quick shower together 

It is true that you can’t possibly do this everyday because someone has to make dinner or there is a difference in the times you arrive but on days when you can be sure to indulge. Unlike the shower in the morning routine we posted, this shower is a quick, playful shower just to get reacquainted with each other.

Dinner

At this moment, devices should be put away. Dinner time should be spent together enjoying time together and catching up on what happened during the day. It is also perfect timing to chat with your kids and ask how school is going, what they’re up to, if they joined any clubs or groups. Getting to know your children as individuals is a healthy way to create long-lasting family relationships. Chat with your spouse about work, traffic or any anecdotes that you may have picked up at work or on the radio. Also be sure to vocalize your appreciation for the food. Praise and appreciation goes a long way. After this you can split up the chores amongst yourselves making sure that everyone does something before heading to the next activity.

Family Time

As your children go older they may opt out of watching television together to go out with their friends or whatnots. Family time could be with the whole family. Family time doesn’t have to involve communication or chatting. It could watching a movie together or a show you all like. Family time could also be playing a board game together or going outside to enjoy the breeze. If the weather is just right you could also have dinner outside. The aim of this activity is to strengthen the family bond as one and it does this by ensuring you’re comfortable doing mundane activities or just sitting in silence watching television. A great relationship isn’t always the one where you constantly have something to say to one another, it’s about being comfortable even when there’s nothing to say.

Time Alone

After family time it is only natural that you and your spouse crave some alone time after all absence makes the heart grow fonder. You can each spend some time doing something you like or spending time individually with the kids or catching up on work. What you do during this time is completely up to you.

Prepare for bed 

 When preparing for bed it is advisable to switch off your phone thirty minutes before you go to sleep so that it’s not the last and the first thing you reach for each day. It is important to connect with the people around us. When preparing to sleep you and your spouse can discuss more personal matters that you could not discuss at dinner. Try to rationalize and find the best solutions to these issues. This is also the best time to resolve any minor arguments. It isn’t productive to go to bed angry at your spouse. Try to resolve the arguments and make sure the day ends on a more positive note.

Sex/Touch 

 This may not be possible every single night but sometimes it is. If you feel detached or unwanted by your partner, marriage counseling or marriage therapy would suggest more comfortable physical contact. Having sex should be fun and enjoyable. Each day you have adequate time to indulge be sure to switch it up a little and have fun with it so that it doesn’t become a chore.

Goodnight Kiss 

 Whether or not you had sex with your partner a good night kiss is a must. This kiss doesn’t have to be sensual or romantic, it should be a promise, an affirmation saying “we might have had a rough day but I still love you.”

As earlier mentioned, ending your day well is also as important as starting your day well. If you go to sleep angry you’re probably going to wake up angry or irritated. With these simple activities you’re sure to bond with your partner and strengthen your connection.

 

I hope this information helps you understand more about how to recreate the exciting feeling that comes with a love affair between your partner and yourself in Raleigh. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to call at (703)-347- 3200 for your free of charge 15 min consultation and or to schedule an appointment in my Wake Forest office or online.


If you are looking for help with your relationships or marriage, you can read more about how I can help here. One of the biggest regrets that my couples share with me is that they wish they could have started couples counseling several years sooner. You do NOT have to be one of those couples. You deserve to feel loved and confident about your relationship TODAY. So pick up the phone and give a call,  so I can teach you how to live in the day to day in a way that leaves you feeling connected and energized about being together and feeling like a REAL couple. 

ABOUT AUTHOR

Irina Baechle,LCSW is a founder, owner, and a licensed therapist at IrinaBaechleCounselingLLC. She specializes in helping distant couples and anxious singles build truly connected and meaningful relationships. She currently offers online and in-home counseling services to residents of Virginia and North Carolina (and most countries abroad). Click here to schedule your free 15 min consultation. Follow her on Facebook, Pinterest, and Youtube for useful tips and resources.

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